Broken
by redmystique
Summary: Alfred vows to take care of a depressed Arthur after Francis's death. Possible shift to M rating in later chapters but I'll probably keep it T Some FrUk Mainly UsUk NO LONGER ON HIATUS BUT VERY SPORADIC UPDATING!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: First time writing a Hetalia fan fiction!**

** I don't own Hetalia**

** Flames burn me but criticism is welcome just don't be an ass about it please. **

** Rated T for now but may change to M in later chapters**

The wind was blowing softly through the open door carrying with it the sweet smell of roses. Light shined down through the stained glass windows filling the room with hazy colored light. Francis would have loved it. The thought brought unwanted tears to Arthur's eyes. The church was filled with almost everyone he had ever met. Francis had been loved and often hated. Everyone who mattered was there. The fact that it was open casket made it that much harder to bear. As if hearing his thoughts Gilbert mumbled under his breath.

"Of course that ass would ask to have it be open casket, couldn't go a day without displaying his good looks, even after death." The sentence was punctuated by a soft sniffle that the Prussian would later deny. Arthur scowled to hide a sad smile. It was true. It was time for him to speak but he wasn't sure if he could do it. He stood anyways and walked to the front touching the coffin as he passed it. Tears streamed down his face as he began to speak.

"I-I never wanted to h-have to do this. Francis was…" He trailed off, tears running down his face freely now. "Francis was a self-absorbed fancy clothes wearing frog. And I l-loved him, we all loved him… Everyone loved him." Arthur couldn't hold back the sob that escaped. He didn't know how long he stood there, hands braced on the podium, trying to calm himself down enough to continue but soon a large strong hand gently caressed his back.

"Come on Iggy, you don't have to finish." Arthur looked up and nodded. Alfred's usually full of life eyes looked almost a dark cerulean blue, tinted with sadness. Arthur hated that for some reason. Alfred led him back to his seat and sat him down. Gilbert went to the podium next but he didn't hear a word of it. Sadness overtook him and all he could feel was wave after wave of silent tears. Alfred's hand moved in slow circles on his back but it did nothing to calm him down, only bring back sad memories of another time he had felt this emotionally unstable. At some point Alfred had put his arm around him and had pulled him against him. Finally coming out of his thoughts Arthur tried to squirm out of it but instead the grip around him tightened.

"Please don't. It's okay to need comforting." Alfred whispered. Arthur stopped and just accepted the fact that as long as he was crying the American wasn't going to take no for an answer. Arthur took a few steadying breathes as the ceremony finally ended. Alfred finally let go of him but didn't leave his side as he stood up and exited the row.

"Alfred, can you please give me a moment. I thank you for being here but I just need a moment of grieving by myself." Arthur put a hand on the other man's chest and pushed gently, looking up apologetically. Alfred simply nodded and walked towards the exit talking softly with Mathias. Arthur quietly walked to the front plucking a rose out of one of the bouquets. He stared down at Francis and lifted the rose to his nose. Taking a deep breath he found himself crying again.

"I'm so sorry. I wish that things had been different. I wish that I had been the one to…" Arthur knelt down and rested his head on the coffin. He stood back up and with shaking hands slipped the rose into the dead Frenchman's hands. He knew something had been off about the open coffin and now looking down at it it felt complete. He should be buried with the roses he had loved so much. "Goodbye love." Arthur took another gulp of air and nodded before turning around. Standing in the door way was the tall dark figure of a man illuminated behind by the blinding light of day. Alfred, always the protector. Arthur slowly walked forward and nodded. Without a word the two walked out front to the throng of people and got into one of the many cars now headed to the cemetery. Alfred's hand found his and wrapped tightly around it. They walked hand in hand to the grave which was just now being set up for the coffin to be lowered. Time passed and soon they were all gathered around. Matthew, Gilbert, Antonio, and finally Alfred all threw in roses. Arthur went up to scoop in the first bit of dirt but froze. The shovel shaking in his grip, hanging over the grave. "I… I can't." He shook his head before tossing the shovel aside and walking away.

He kept walking and ignored the hands attempting to stop him, ignored the alarmed sound of Alfred calling out, ignored everything. He walked until he knew Francis's grave would be well out of sight and sat down under a tree. He was such an idiot, such a sap, such a… he ran his hand though the grass running out of insults for himself. He took a deep breath and leaned his head against the tree looking up at the slowly graying sky. His brows settled into a scowl and he stood, furious anger rolling off of him.

"NO! It will not rain! It won't! Francis deserves a funeral full of sunshine not one full of storm clouds!" He shouted at the sky and raked a hand through his messy hair. As small droplets of rain fell from the sky he dropped to his knees and stayed there, hands locked in his hair and tears running down his face mixing with the rain. And then he felt nothing.

Alfred looked up at the hill to see the outline of Arthur yelling at the sky and then dropping to his knees as rain began to fall. Alfred's heart hurt at the sight of him. He would never romantically go after him all things considered but he couldn't deny that he had always had feelings for the Brit. Today had been doubly awful in that affect. He had not only lost a friend but had to endure watching Arthur tormented by the loss of his lover. Though the two had never married he knew Arthur was now as much a widow as any. Slowly he made his way up the hill, the rain almost slicking down Nantucket by the time he reached the top.

Arthur looked at him and Alfred almost shuddered at the look in his eyes. Alfred carefully knelt down and picked the man up bridal style. It was definitely bad if he wasn't being fought. Alfred walked back down the hill towards the car that was waiting for them and slipped into the back Arthur still in his arms. Arthur just laid there in an almost catatonic state, his hand clenching Alfred's shirt. Alfred took them back to his apartment and sat the man down onto a chair in the kitchen removing his hands from his shirt. Alfred knelt down to eye level and looked into dead green eyes.

"I'm going to run a hot bath for you. You're freezing and I don't want you to get sick on top of this." Alfred really didn't want to leave him in that state but quickly went to his bathroom and turned on the hot water letting the bathroom steam from the heat. When he returned the Brit hadn't moved an inch. Once again he picked up the Brit and took him to the bathroom. Alfred sighed and began to work the man's wet clothes off of him. This could have practically been one of Alfred's many fantasies about the Brit but not in these circumstances. Instead Alfred tenderly picked up the man and put him into the warm water of the tub. He left for a second to grab a cup and a wash rag and returned. Alfred slowly poured warm water over the Brit then took the wash cloth and poured soap onto it. Rubbing slow soapy circles on the Brit's back the man in question finally kind of responded and leaned back into Alfred's touch.

Next Alfred took some of his shampoo and began to lather up Arthur's messy hair massaging his scalp and smiling when the man let out a content sigh. After he had Arthur all washed off and warmed up Alfred grabbed him by the shoulders and stood him up then began drying him off with a big fluffy towel. Arthur grabbed the edges of the towel and held it, wrapped around his shoulders, while Alfred went to find something for the man to wear. He managed to find an old pair of pajama pants with superhero's on it that he was pretty sure he had as a teen and an old sweat shirt that was a little small on him. He came in glad to see Arthur had moved and was now sitting on the toilet with the towel still firmly wrapped around him. He looked a little bit like a child. Alfred handed him the clothes and left the bathroom.

The bath seemed to have at least gotten Arthur to liven up a little bit. Alfred rummaged through his cabinets and cursed. He had been meaning to get some tea but didn't have any. He looked up when he heard a noise and couldn't help the blush that lit up his cheeks when he saw the smaller man, his pajama pants were surprisingly form fitting on Arthur which only added to the bagginess of the sweater practically hanging off of Arthur's shoulders.

"Sorry I didn't have anything better for you to wear." Alfred walked forward and grabbed Arthurs arm gently and led him to bedroom. "You should rest, it's been a long day." Arthur nodded and climbed into his bed. Alfred smiled softly and pulled the blankets up around the man now curled up on his mattress. Alfred fought the want to run his hands through the other man's hair and instead changed into his own pajama's and grabbed a pillow before heading out to the living room to sleep on the couch. Hopefully Arthur would be more expressive tomorrow Alfred thought as he fell into a fitful sleep.

**So I was writing and If I Die Young by The Band Perry started playing and then I was crying as I was typing and it was bad, and then to top it off Fix You by Coldplay started playing when Alfred saw him on the hill and I was just like asdfjkl;. **

**Any who I've never been to a funeral so this was kind of just me bullshitting it and I'm sorry if I got it wrong. (I've actually been to a funeral once I was just so little that I don't remember much besides my aunt crying a lot.) **

**REVIEWS WOULD BE NICE :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Arthur is very depressed. Sorry D:**

** Warning: Cutting incident**

** Hello followers and favorite's! WHY YOU NO REVIEW! **

** Its okay, I still love you all**

** Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or the picture**

Arthur woke up slowly and pushed his head deeper into the pillow taking a deep breath in. It smelled of coffee, patchouli, and fast food. He was obviously at Alfred's. The night before was kind of hazy but all he knew was that he owed Alfred. He still felt dead inside but not as bad as yesterday. Slowly he stood and walked out to find Alfred dancing around the kitchen making breakfast. Arthur walked in and stood off to the side. Alfred flashed him a dazzling smile when he noticed Arthur's presence.

"I didn't know what you'd want so I'm making a bit of everything. I stopped by the store this morning and bought you some tea. The kettle is on the stove if you want some." Arthur watched in awe as the American buzzed around the kitchen flipping pancakes, scrambling egg's, making coffee. Soon they were sitting down at Alfred's small table, Alfred with coffee and Arthur with tea. Arthur picked at his plate while the other ate all of his in a matter of seconds. Under the scrutinization of Alfred Arthur lifted a small forkful of eggs to his mouth and chewed slowly. Arthur felt kind of bad seeing as Alfred had made so much but he just couldn't bring himself to eat.

"I'm not letting you leave the table until you at least drink all of your tea." Alfred said sternly. Arthur would have typically laughed at Alfred now playing the adult. Instead Arthur forced himself to choke down the rest of his tea and made a point of showing Alfred his empty cup. Alfred rolled his eyes but smiled none the less. Arthur stood and took his plate into the kitchen but a hand stopped him from washing any dishes.

"I've got it, why don't you go ahead and rest a bit or watch t.v. or something." Arthur hated that Alfred thought he couldn't handle a few dishes but did as told anyways. He walked to the couch and turned on the t.v. to humor the American. He sat for a while mindlessly flipping through the channels sometimes getting a little teary eyed every time he would see something that Francis had liked. Alfred eventually sat down beside him. Arthur finally settled on a superhero movie that he knew Alfred would like and instead retreated into his thoughts. He tried to keep them light but his mind betrayed him and instead sent him back to the day that Francis had died.

_Arthur woke up early and snuck out of bed. It was Francis's birthday and he had been getting cooking lessons from Alfred for the past few weeks just in preparation for this morning. Fifteen minutes in and he was already messing up. Francis stumbled in to the kitchen, awoken by the smell of something burning. _

_ "What is going on here!" He looked at Arthur with a bemused smile on his face laughing silently at Arthur who was now red in the face, muttering curses, and covered in flour. _

_ "I was trying to make you breakfast! I've been taking lessons for weeks and I still can't cook one bloody simple breakfast!" Arthur huffed before sliding down to the flour covered ground. Francis's signature French laugh filled the kitchen as he sat down beside Arthur. Arthur scowled as the Frenchman kissed him on the cheek._

_ "I am so happy that you would try and cook for me." Arthur sighed. _

_ "I wanted to serve you breakfast in bed." Francis stood up and offered a hand._

_ "Then let's make breakfast and eat in bed together!"Arthur took his hand and squeaked when Francis pulled him into an embrace. Francis laughed again as he pulled back. _

_ "You have batter in your hair." Francis ruffled Arthur's messy hair. "You go take a shower and I'll go to the market and buy some fresh supplies." _

_ "Okay love." Arthur gave Francis a quick peck before turning to leave squeaking when the Frenchman pinched him in the butt._

_ "I'll be right back so you better hurry on that shower." Arthur quickly went to the shower and finished in about five minutes. He spent about ten minutes cleaning up the kitchen before he started to worry. Why was Francis taking so long? After another ten minutes the kitchen was clean and he was pacing. The shrill sound of the telephone ringing startled him and he picked it up to hear the words that would play over and over in his head for some time. _

_ -Is this Arthur Kirkland?_

_ "Yes that's me."_

_ -We are going to need you to come down to the hospital_

_ "W-What happened?"_

_ -We have a man under the name of Francis Bonnefoy here. He was in a car accident_

_ Arthur almost dropped the receiver. "H-how is he?"_

_ -Please sir, just hurry and come to Mayridge Hospital, he is in critical condition. _

_ Arthur hung up the phone and called Alfred panicked._

_ "Alfred! Where are you? I really need to borrow your car. Francis was in a car accident and he is down at the hospital." That was all he needed to say for the man to say he was on his way and that he would be there soon._

_ By the time they had gotten to the hospital Francis was dead. They had tried their best to save him but there was nothing they could do. _

Arthur was shaken out of his reverie and noticed that Alfred was shouting at him frantically, his hands practically crushing his cheeks together. He had been saying something but Arthur couldn't hear what. Alfred clasped him to his chest and Arthur was surprised to feel him shaking. What was wrong? He realized then that he wasn't in the living room anymore he was on the floor in the kitchen. That was when he saw the knife lying on the hard wood floor and felt the throbbing in his wrist.

Alfred startled out of his movie watching daze as Arthur stood up silently and started to walk to the kitchen. "Oh, are you finally hungry? I can always make you something." Alfred called out. He frowned when there was no response. Alfred walked into the kitchen and watched silently as Arthur stood there crying, hunched over. He wanted to comfort him so bad but could feel that now was not the time to intervene. He finally moved when he watched Arthur move and grab something. He couldn't see until Arthur finally turned around, a knife in his hand and a red gash running down his wrist. Alfred cried out and knocked the knife from Arthur's hands. Putting his hands on either sides of Arthur's face Alfred shouted.

"Arthur! Wake up! Please Arthur don't do this! Wake up!" Alfred cried out in hysterics as he watched Arthur's glassy eyes gain a hint of life again. "Don't do that ever again!" Alfred clasped him to his chest as tears ran down his face. "Just… Francis wouldn't want that. He wouldn't want you to do that. He'd tell you to go out and fall in love again, tell you to smell the roses." He kept rambling and rocking back and forth. He felt like he was both breaking inside and losing his mind at the same time. He never ever wanted to see that again. He kept rocking and patting his hands on Arthur to make sure he was still there for a bit until Arthur finally spoke.

"Alfred do you have any bandages?" Alfred felt like an idiot and jumped up dragging the Brit who was still in his arms with him.

"I have a kit under my bathroom sink." Alfred said and began to walk towards it, still holding on to Arthur. Once in the bathroom Alfred sat Arthur down on the sink counter and grabbed the kit then thought about it for a moment.

"Arthur." He said shakily.

"Yes."

"I think I should take you to the hospital. You cut yourself really deep and I don't know if…" Alfred trailed off and Arthur just nodded. He cleaned up the cut as much as possible and put a thick bandage on before escorting Arthur out to his car. They drove in silence Alfred still shaking and Arthur watching him shake. Arthur broke the silence first.

"I didn't mean to. I just…" Alfred nodded stiffly.

"I was thinking about the day that Francis died, I wasn't even aware of my actions until you woke me up." Alfred looked over to see Arthur wringing his hands, it made Alfred sick to see the gauze already turning red.

Alfred waited as the doctors attended to Arthur's arm. He just stared at the ground in shock of the events that had passed. He had known that Arthur was depressed, that wasn't hard to see, he just hadn't realized how bad it was. Bad enough that Arthur had tried to kill himself. He didn't stop staring at the floor until a nurse cleared her throat.

"Excuse me, Alfred F. Jones?" He looked up and nodded.

"Arthur is going to be fine, we just need to stitch him up. Although it's mandatory that I ask, did he do this on purpose?" Alfred didn't want to respond but he knew it was for Arthur's own good.

"His partner just died in a car accident, he hasn't been coping well but this is the first time anything like this has happened ever. I took him home with me after the funeral yesterday because I didn't want him to be alone. I promise I'll keep a good eye on him just please don't make him go into therapy. He'd hate it. He isn't the type to spill his guts to total strangers." The nurse raised an eyebrow and he blushed realizing he had done just that.

"I'll just put down that it was a cooking accident. If I put down what really happened they will more or less force him into therapy. If this happens again then I won't be able to help." Alfred nodded at the nurse's stern look. At least for now Arthur wouldn't have to go but if it did happened again Alfred wasn't sure if he would even want to stop Arthur from going to therapy. Eventually Arthur came out, his arm covered in white gauze. Alfred stood immediately and strode over to Arthur. Arthur wrapped him tight in a hug.

"I'm sorry." Arthur mumbled.

"Come on, let's go home."

**I'm so sorry! It's so short! **

**So I know Arthur isn't some sniveling easily depressed thing but let's all remember the love of his life just died. I promise Arthur will be back to his usually grumpy biting self after all of this.**

**REVIEWS MAKE MY LIFE!**

**But follows are just as great and favorites send my heart soaring as well.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/C: I've never done this before but I wrote two different variations of this chapter, one in which it starts right back up, and another where it skips a week forward. I ended up swirling things from the two together. **

** Because of this this chapter doesn't go as smoothly. You've been warned.**

Arthur's eyes threatened to brim over with tears during the car ride home. His heart hurt and all he wanted to do was go hide away in Alfred's big bed surrounded by his comforting scent. The initial shock had worn off and suddenly it began to hit him. He could have killed himself. He had tried to kill himself. Arthur glanced over to find Alfred staring straight ahead his knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel too hard. Arthur wanted to say something but the words wouldn't come. Alfred had always been the one who needed taken care of but now the roles were reversed and Alfred was there for him without any questions asked.

"Thank you Alfred." Arthur decided on simplicity although he knew those words would never be enough. "Y-you saved me today." He added, his voice quivering a bit. He hated being seen so weak but Alfred had already seen the worst of him.

"Arthur, I would never leave you in a state like that. Besides…" Alfred looked over with the hint of a smile. " I am the hero aren't I?" Arthur felt a small mirthless laugh escape his lips.

"Yes. Yes it would seem you are." Arthur retreated back into his mind a bit and finally pinpointed the feelings coursing through his body like tidal waves, regret, fear, guilt, anger, gratitude, sadness, and something just a little bit darker. Arthur's eyes darted out and watched the city scenery pass by his memory tormenting him with images of him and Francis arm and arm walking down the sidewalk, him blushing and Francis smiling. Happier times.

Alfred looked over just in time to see the Brit scrunching his eyes shut, his face contorted in pain as a tear rolled down his cheek. How he wouldn't give to have the freedom to lean over and kiss the man's tears away. Alfred's heart tugged. One hand on the steering wheel he reached out and laced his hand with the others giving a comforting squeeze. Alfred feared his heart would crumble to pieces as Arthur looked at him with watery green eyes, a silent thank you hanging in the air.

Alfred didn't let go until he had shut off the car throwing out an arm to stop the Brit from opening the door and instead opting to exit his side quickly and open the car door for Arthur. Alfred reached in and grabbed the still teary eyed Brit, this time with only slight unwillingness on the other end.

"Alfred, I can walk myself." Alfred just shook his head as he settled the smaller man into his arms and began to walk. He smiled softly at the huff the Brit gave. At least he wasn't struggling. The fact that he was fighting it at all was music to Alfred's ears. After rather awkwardly managing to unlock the door Alfred carried the Brit to his bedroom and sat him softly on to the bed. Alfred smiled at the now slightly blushing man.

"I still have one of your books you left after one of our cooking lessons if you'd like me to bring it to you to read. I figured you'd prefer to be in here, it would give you some alone time." _That and_, Alfred thought to himself, _I can make sure you don't try and hurt yourself again. _Arthur looked up at him and seemed to be thinking it over.

"No, I think I'm just going to sleep a bit." Alfred nodded, he could understand that.

"Okay, I'll check up on you in an hour or two." Alfred looked down at the shivering man and forced himself to leave the room but not before taking a moment to look back at the door. Arthur had his comforter wrapped around him and seemed to be staring off into space. Alfred gave a heavy sigh and finally exited the room.

Arthur found himself being shaken awake by a rather solemn looking Alfred. The smell of fresh brewed tea wafting towards him and making his stomach upset. Things were most definitely bad if tea didn't even sound appealing. Arthur sat up slowly, rubbing sleep from his eyes and running a hand through his hair to attempt to flatten some of the mess. Arthur looked up and smiled softly at the now blushing American. Even in his depressive state Alfred blushing would never lose its effect on him.

"Yes?" Arthur's smile deepened a bit as the tall man cleared his throat and looked away obviously abashed.

"I brought you some tea and a butter biscuit. I figured you probably still wouldn't want to eat but you really need to eat something. That and it's already dinner time so…" Alfred trailed off an motioned to the small saucer beside him holding the earlier described items. Arthur sighed but lifted the mug to his lips anyways to appease him. When Alfred didn't move Arthur cocked an eyebrow up.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Alfred blushed again and scuffed his foot against the carpet as if he were a kid again.

"Well I was wondering if you would mind me eating my dinner in here with you." Arthur took another sip of the tea before answering.

"We shouldn't really eat on the bed but I guess seeing as I will be it wouldn't hurt for you to join me." Arthur marveled at why he was seeking permission when it was his house but chalked it up to the other man being considerate of Arthur's current mental state. A couple minutes late the man walked in with two McDonalds bags and a large, what Arthur could only guess to be, Coke. Arthur watched in horror as Alfred bit down into the oily, fatty, triple patty burger. A moan escaped Alfred's mouth and Arthur blushed. Alfred seemed to realize what had just happened and blushed as well.

"Sorry… I get like that sometimes. I haven't had a burger from there in a while." Arthur could only nod a bit and take a nibble out of the biscuit he had been eating.

"I-its fine Alfred." Arthur sat quietly doing his best to ignore the occasional sound of ecstasy that would escape Alfred's lips. Eventually Arthur felt Alfred's blue orbs staring hard at him and had to acknowledge the man next to him.

"Hm?" Alfred was glaring at him.

"Eat you're biscuit Arthur." Arthur shivered, he rarely saw Alfred like this and had to assumed he had picked the trick up from his boyfriend. Taking a small bite from the biscuit Arthur chewed an excessive amount of times and forced it down his throat.

"Good." Alfred nodded and took a bite from his third burger this one a bit smaller than the others. "You should also drink some of your tea." Arthur sighed and sipped at the now cold tea, choking a bit.

"Why does it matter if I eat or not?" Once again Arthur was victim to the larger man's stare.

"Because if you don't eat properly then you are going to starve to death and if that's what you really want then maybe I should have just let you bleed yourself dry." Alfred snapped. Arthur could feel the sting in the words and recoiled a bit. He could tell the American immediately regretted it.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't right." Alfred muttered, his face buried into his hands. Arthur watched as Alfred raised his head and his beautiful blue eyes looked back at him. "I just don't want to lose you." Arthur was shocked at what he saw in Alfred's eyes and it was then that he finally realized he wasn't the only one hurting here. Arthur slowly scooted over and hugged Alfred to his chest.

"I know." Arthur whispered as he ran fingers through Alfred's sunny locks. "Thank you for doing this, for looking out for me. You don't always have to be the strong one though." Arthur closed his eyes to try and hold back tears as he continued to hold Alfred.

Alfred buried his face into Arthur's chest welcoming the embrace. Tears slowly began to stain the Brit's shirt as he stopped holding back. He didn't want Arthur to realize how much seeing him like that hurt him but it seemed that things weren't going to go as planned. Arthur's hands running through his hair felt comforting and soon he found himself breathing normal again, his tears slowly stopping. Alfred peeled himself back from the Brit and instead wrapped his arms around the man in a hug.

"I'm always going to look after you, I hope you know that." Alfred could feel Arthur's face heat up.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Alfred retracted his arms and grabbed his bag of food and stood.

"I'm going to put this in the fridge. Eat the rest of your biscuit and drink the rest of your tea." Alfred walked out and through his left overs into the fridge and returned to find Arthur choking down a bit of biscuit. Alfred watched patiently as he downed the rest of his tea and eventually finished his biscuit. Giving a satisfied nod Alfred grabbed the dishes and left to throw them in the sink. When he returned Arthur was sitting there quietly.

"I think I'm going to set up shop out on the couch and go to sleep, it's rather late." Alfred explained as he reached into the closet and grabbed some bedding, shock ran through him as a chilled hand rested on his shoulder.

"Why don't you take the bed tonight? I'll stay on the couch." Alfred frowned. That would not do. He didn't want Arthur waking up after a particularly painful dream and deciding it was time for a repeat of the day's events.

"No. I can handle staying on the couch." Alfred continued to gather stuff when suddenly a hand slapped it all down as if Alfred was back in high school and Arthur was some bully.

"That was uncalled for."

"Stop grabbing bedding and get on the bed." Alfred looked at the man's determined green eye and sighed.

"Okay… but you have to sleep in the bed too. I don't want you…" _Out near the kitchen. _"out on the couch." Alfred watched expectantly as the smaller man blushed but nodded. Soon both were on the bed and Alfred found his face heating up. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Alfred watched as Arthur curled in on himself and slowly went to sleep. Alfred soon followed, eventually getting over his embarrassment of sharing a bed with the attractive albeit emotionally unavailable Brit.

Alfred awoke to Arthur tossing back and forth sweating and murmuring in his sleep. Every once in a while he would call out louder things like "Don't leave me" and "No" other times it was simply "Francis". Alfred frowned and wrapped his arms around the male to hold him. Stroking his hair Alfred did his best to try and calm down the sleeping Arthur.

"Shhh… it's okay. Everything is going to be okay." Alfred hugged the man harder as he continued to thrash. Alfred stiffened when his name was muttered. "Arthur I'm right here. I'll always be here. Please wake up. It's all just a dream." Alfred said into the boy's hair his heart constricting painfully. He felt the change in the man when the thrashing suddenly stopped and a hand wound into his shirt. Arthur took a shaky breath and then buried his face into Alfred's chest. Alfred felt his shirt slowly become wet with Arthurs tears. Soon both fell into a deep sleep.

Arthur woke up in a pair of strong arms his face comfortably close to Alfred's clothed chest. Alfred's large hands were firm against the small of his back and Arthur smiled when the man in question suddenly snuggled closer muttering something that sounded vaguely like "Ten more minutes." He could be such a child sometimes. Of course that meant the Arthur was his teddy bear and he didn't like that thought at all. Arthur frowned up at the man who was currently smiling softly in his sleep and nuzzling his face into Arthur's hair. He watched as Alfred's eyes slowly opened and the man in question smiled brightly.

"Why the long face sourpuss?" Alfred teased as Arthur hit him on the chest a few times.

"Stop snuggling me like I'm your bloody teddy bear!" Arthur exclaimed only causing Alfred to laugh even more. "And thanks for last night."

"No problem. Hey, why don't we go out and get breakfast this morning! I really need to go to the store as well." Alfred said chipperly and Arthur couldn't contain a small smile.

"Sure, why not? I'm just going to go take a shower real quick." Alfred nodded and hopped out of bed.

"Okay, I'll find some clothes for you while you get ready."

Alfred couldn't help the blush that formed on his cheeks as he looked at the Brit now standing before him in a pair of his old jeans and a button down shirt. At Arthur's raised eyebrow Alfred smiled and grabbed the man's hand. "Come on lets go, I'm starving here!" The ride to the local café was quick and soon the two were waiting in line to order.

Arthur stood quietly by the American's side as he rocked back and forth on his heels. Arthur could feel that dark feeling creeping into his consciousness once again as he looked around the familiar café.

"Hey Elizabeta! I'll have my usual and Arthur here will have…" Arthur startled and looked at the Hungarian woman who usual took his and Francis's order.

"My usual tea." Arthur frowned at the sharp stare he was getting from a pair of blue eyes.

"And…" Alfred prompted. Arthur looked up at him with a fixed gaze.

"That's all." Elizabeta watched as the two stared each other down and jumped when Alfred suddenly barked out.

"He'll also have a scone." Alfred didn't break eye contact and Arthur found himself becoming flustered. He finally looked away and mumbled.

"Yes. And my usual scone." Alfred smiled softly, satisfied with the minor victory. The two grabbed their respective orders and took a seat outside where the sun could pleasantly heat them. Arthur did his best to keep his emotions in check as he nibbled on his scone but he kept thinking back to when Francis was still with him. He and Francis had eaten here often when Arthur wanted scones and Francis wouldn't let him cook them.

"I'm sorry I didn't even think about…"

"It's okay." Arthur said stiffly. "I can't keep avoiding places just because I have memories of him there." Alfred nodded as he bit into his fourth doughnut.

"I'm glad you're making progress. Eventually we are going to have to get you some clothes. You can't keep wearing mine. They're either too old and tight or too new and baggy." Arthur nodded. Eventually he was going to have to return to his own place but the thought seemed almost unimaginable. It had really been Francis's after all and if the café was difficult to handle he couldn't even imagine what the apartment would be like. He wondered if anyone had gone in and moved out Francis's belongings yet. Probably not. His family was rather good at putting things off. Arthur knew he had been silent for too long because the blonde in front of him was now looking at him with worry.

"I'm fine. It's just I can't ever imagine going back to that apartment. It will be hard enough attempting to return and get clothes, let alone living there after all this." Arthur sighed and was glad for Alfred's perfectly timed hand holds and squeezes.

"Well when you face that I'll make sure to be there. Even if I have to I'll carry you and all your stuff out myself. You're free to stay at my place for as long as you need." Arthur smiled softly at the sincerity in Alfred's words.

"Thank you Alfred. Honestly. I don't think I'd be here right now if it weren't for you." Arthur sipped at his tea and smiled.

Alfred was already through his fifth doughnut when he noticed that the Brit had barely even eaten any of his scone.

"Arthur, please eat." Alfred tried once more.

"I'm sorry. It's just that I haven't been that hungry lately."

"I know, but it's just not healthy. You know how I feel about this."

"Alfred you eat enough for both of us. That's unhealthy." Alfred rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"Whatever." Alfred took a bite out of his last doughnut with gusto. Arthur laughed and smiled softly. Alfred was glad to see that Arthur was finally warming up on the social front. Alfred's new challenge was getting the Brit to eat. Alfred's face scrunched up in determination. He would make the Brit eat normally again if it was the last thing he'd do!

**There was originally a kiss in this chapter but it felt too rushed so I cut it out. A lot of things got switched around and cut out and added in actually. Usually my writing goes a lot smoother than this **

**Reviews make me a very happy writer! **

**Mary****: I'm so glad you like it! I will usually only update once a week because I usually only have internet access once or twice a week. This week is different because I'm on vacation. Depending on how fast I write chapters it might be twice a week but I won't promise anything.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I am so sorry guys! This chapter proved to be a challenge. That and school just started so lots of stress on that front. **

**I don't know how many of you guys caught the brief mentioning of Alfred having a boyfriend last chapter but that will be cleared up a bit in this chapter. I hope you guys don't hate me.**

**(I've reread this chapter about five times and I still don't quite like it but I don't know how to fix it anymore so let's just get past it an continue working our way towards more fluff)**

"Eat it." Alfred tried again shoving the bag towards the Brit. Arthur shook his head again his nose turned up in disgust.

"I will not eat that garbage." Nibbling on scones and drinking tea he could do but even in his normal state he would refuse this… _tempting _offer.

"For me?" Alfred batted his eyes and Arthur couldn't help but roll his own before reaching into the greasy bag.

"This is absolutely disgusting; I don't know how you eat this stuff so much." Arthur commented as he unwrapped the burger Alfred was now forcing upon him.

"Oh come on! It'll be so good! You'll never go back to scones again." Alfred seemed sure of himself but Arthur looked at the oozing thing in his hands and bit back a gag. Glancing up he was met with Alfred looking at him expectantly, excitement showing in his expressive eyes. Sighing he took a small bite and chewed forcing himself to not spit it back out. Grease, far too much grease. The smile he got from Alfred as he swallowed made it _almost_ worth it.

"I told you! Amazing right!?" Alfred smiled widely as he grabbed his own burger and began to chow down.

"I don't know if I would necessarily classify that as amazing." Arthur grumbled to himself but took another bite none the less in order to appease the American. He could tell that later this was going to come back to bite him but it was almost worth it to make Alfred happy. Alfred had been struggling to get him to eat for days now. It wasn't his fault really. He just didn't have that much of an appetite considering all that had happened.

He couldn't help but be a bit glad that even though that dark emotion from before was still lurking inside of him he seemed to be keeping it under control, especially considering how many things reminded him of Francis. Everything reminded him of the damn Frenchman.

"So, not to rush ya but when do you want to try and get some clothing?" Alfred spoke around his enormous bite of burger causing the well-mannered Brit to have a coronary on the spot.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" He snapped. He couldn't understand why Alfred always smiled when he snapped; it was actually kind of annoying to know that his words never got to the American. "And I don't really know when a good time would be. I don't think it's ever going to be any easier to face. So I suppose whenever you're ready." He really wished he didn't have to go but a part of him knew that he couldn't put it off forever. Alfred simply nodded and finished his bite before replying.

"Okay. Are you sure you want to go? If you want you could always give me the key and I could collect some things for you." Arthur simply shook his head and bit his lip.

"No. This is something I need to face. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over his…" he choked a bit on the wretched word, "death… if I don't do this." Alfred nodded in understanding.

"Once we are done with lunch we will go then, might as well get it out of the way quick, like ripping off a band aid." Arthur felt a lump rise in his throat which did nothing to ease the task of eating his own "tasty" burger. Instead he opted for sipping his tea and only taking small bites when the American in front of him took the time to stop wolfing down food and acknowledge his existence. It was almost disgusting how quick and how much Alfred consumed in one sitting.

In between forced bites Arthur attempted to mentally prepare himself for what was ahead but found that nothing seemed to lessen the fact that within the hour he would be in the last place he had seen Francis. Instead of tormenting himself with memories he busied himself with thinking of everything he wanted to grab. Definitely a box of his clothing, maybe a couple books he had been meaning to read. Alfred's loud obnoxious voice tore him from his reverie.

"Ready to go? I'll ignore the fact that you barely ate half of your burger considering you drank all of your tea." Arthur sighed in relief, glad that he wasn't going to be forced to continue eating that greasy monstrosity. Standing up proved difficult considering how shaky he was but he managed, quickly brushing off Alfred's helping hand.

"I can walk by myself you wanker!" Arthur huffed and walked, albeit a bit unsteadily, out the door and too the car, a very amused Alfred following close behind. The proximity of their houses made the car ride just short enough to eliminate awkwardness but it also meant that Arthur had very little time to get his emotions in check before they were already entering the drive way. He could feel Alfred's questioning gaze as he took in a ragged breath.

"Can you enter into the garage and grab some boxes for me to put my stuff into?" He finally managed. "You know the code." Alfred nodded in agreement reluctantly as they exited the vehicle.

"Yeah okay."

Arthur watched as Alfred successfully got into the garage before making his way to the front door. His hands almost shook too much to unlock it but eventually he succeeded. Stepping into the house stagnant air engulfed him. Everywhere were memories, waves and waves of overwhelming emotions coursed through him as he looked around the apartment. His feet seemed to become glued to the ground as his eyes began to pinprick with tears. Slowly his sand down onto the hard wood floor and wrapped himself into a tight ball trying to block it all out. He could do this, he could. He kept telling himself that it would pass as he sat there trying to keep himself from falling apart.

Alfred couldn't help but worry as he entered the garage and quickly began rummaging around for boxes. Just as he was starting to think that it had all been a trick to give Arthur some alone time he found them.

"Ah hah!" He exclaimed before grabbing a couple of boxes and walking into the house. "Arthur I found…" Alfred trailed off as a lump formed in his throat at the sight of Arthur collapsed in on himself, his frail looking body shaking. Slowly Alfred stepped forward, setting down the boxes as he went. Carefully he sat down and wrapped his arms around the shaking man, slowly pulling him onto his lap. Alfred tenderly dragged his fingers through Arthur's messy hair and soothingly began to speak in hushed tones. "It's going to be okay Arthur. I promise this will all pass. Do you really want Francis to see you this way? He'd want you to be happy Arthur. Please don't go to that place again. I wouldn't be able to bare it if you did." Yet again he found himself sitting on cold hard wood flooring rocking the Brit back and forth, the only exception being that this time Arthur wasn't trying to kill himself and he himself was now closer to breaking.

He could feel his insides twisting painfully but he fought it off. This was all becoming too much, even for him the hero, and it seemed that Arthur was having the same problem. He would never admit it out loud but he was starting to find that he was a wreck on the inside. Seeing Arthur so lost and hurt and depressed almost made him feel guilty for feeling the way he did. His boyfriend wasn't the one who died but between Francis's death, Ivan breaking up with him rather harshly, Arthur almost killing himself, and now having to torment himself with watching Arthur loose it he was beginning to find himself losing it too, just a lot more internally.

"Alfred, c-can you just t-talk to me?" Arthur managed and Alfred smiled sadly.

"Of course." He frowned before speaking; maybe vocalizing it would make the hurt go away. "Did you hear about Ivan and Yao?"

"N-no, what about them?"

"Ivan and Yao had an affair. And Ivan's boyfriend walked in on them." He spoke softly, anger and sadness tinting his voice. Arthur tensed in his arms and looked up at him in shock.

"Alfred?"

"And here is the kicker… they were doing it in Ivan's boyfriends apartment." He laughed mirthlessly as he looked down at Arthur who had somehow managed to turn around in his lap, his legs now wrapped around Alfred' torso.

"I didn't know that. I thought you guys were still together." Alfred shook his head and frowned as small delicate hands came up and began to rake through his hair. He felt himself begin to relax against the other mans touch.

"His exact words were, 'You have always had eyes for another, da? And so have I. So why don't you leave us for a bit?' He had the nerve to ask me to leave my own house. And like an idiot I did. And then you called." He spoke the last bit softly and glanced away as realization lit up beautiful green eyes.

It all made sense now, why Alfred had snapped at him and why he seemed to be slowly working his way towards an internal meltdown. Not only had his boyfriend cheated on him but then not ten minutes later his friend had died and then add on the stress of having to take care of his other friend and all you had was a big batch of emotions and crazy. _Alfred hides it well. But now I can see it. _

"Hey, do you think we could pack up your stuff now?" Alfred mumbled softly, his cheeks a soft pink color.

"I think I'm good now. Talking to you calmed me down." He admitted before sliding out of his companions strong arms. Alfred stood up first and held out a hand. Looking up at the now light shrouded man he couldn't help but lose his breath. What did he do to deserve Alfred? Alfred stood there above him, holding out his hand, looking at him in that tender way he mainly reserved for him. And Arthur couldn't do anything except give the other man his hand and be pulled to his feet.

Thanks in part to Alfred he managed to not have any more break downs as they silently began to pack up his clothing. Arthurs hand ran along a shirt of Francis's that he had always particularly loved. It was a beautiful crisp white with inky blue seeping on the cuffs as if they had been dipped into a blue inkwell. He almost wanted to take it but instead opted for the night shirt he used to always steal, to the point of it practically being his anyways. He couldn't help but find it odd, how some things set him off and others didn't. Now, with Alfred by his side, he found it almost calming as he packed away his things. The word he was looking for was closure, and this was putting him one step closer to it.

After a good bit of clothes, his favorite things, and some books were packed up the two made the short trip home and took in the few boxes they had packed. And that's where the problem arose.

"Uhm, Alfred? Where exactly are we going to put my stuff? I'll start house hunting tomorrow but…" He was cut off by strong arms wrapping him up in an unexpected hug. Arthur blushed crimson as said hands began to flutter softly against his back in small circles. Hot breathe tickled his ear as the taller man nuzzled against his head. He shivered as Alfred voice, the one he used when he was being completely serious, spoke so close to his ear that he could feel the others lips moving against them.

"You can live with me for as long as you need. For now we will unpack your clothes and put them in the closet and your knick knacks and such can be kept in the living room, use shelf space even, and your books will go on the book case. I want this place to be home to you."

Arthur couldn't help it as his body shuddered both due to the words and feel of the Americans lips dancing against his ear. He shouldn't, no couldn't, feel this way. His body shouldn't react so easily to Alfred's gentle touches and reassuring words. Guilt wracked his insides even as his heart sped up. _Why? Why do you have to be so kind and loving? Why can't you just force me back out on my own? It'd be so much easier for both of us. I loved Francis. I can't fall for you, my soul mates already gone. You aren't him. I can't. I shouldn't. I just…_

It was then that Arthur realized he had used the word _loved _as in past tense, in the past, over with. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks and he almost pulled back when a large thumb rose to brush them off his cheeks. Looking up he saw distress painted across Alfred's innocent looking face.

"I'm sorry, don't cry. You don't have to stay here. I didn't mean to force it on you." It was his turn to silence the other man and found himself placing his palm over the other mans hyperactive lips.

"Stop it. Let's go unpack my stuff." Arthur only released his hand when startled blue eyes widened and his hand bobbed up in down with the shaking of Alfred's head. Slowly he removed his hand and turned around to grab a box, not before seeing a wide grin on the other mans face.

**So I might have to go back through past chapters and edit them up a bit, I don't know how I managed to miss some of the errors I made the first time I read through them but dang did I mess up big a couple of times. **

**I hope you liked the chapter!**

**I don't particularly like this chapter but I felt I needed to touch a bit more on Alfred. Arthur isn't the only one going through loss. Alfred can't always be the strong hero figure, sometimes he has to be human too. **

**See you next update!**

**(Review maybe?)**


	5. Authors Note D':

**A/N:**

**I feel so sick right now. I had my flash drive in my pocket and now its missing and it has all of the chapters I have written for this story on it including 3 new ones and a flipping awesome RusAme story D':**

**(I will try and rewrite it all but you guys probably won't have an update for a while)**

**SORRY FOR THE AUTHOR NOTE CHAPTER! I JUST WANTED YOU GUYS TO KNOW WHY THERE ISN'T AN UPDATE!**


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: **

**Hey look who managed to write a chapter! (stupid flash drive grrrr)**

**So this chapter wound up nothing like the original one I had typed out but that's okay because I like this one better anyways even though things are still rushed.**

**DRAMA OH THE DRAMA**

Arthur was surprised to find that most of his stuff fit perfectly into the empty spaces of Alfred's house. Even his clothes fit into the empty area of Alfred's closet which he had to assume used to be Ivan's side. Arthur watched as Alfred began putting his books on the bookcase in alphabetical order. When he had first met Alfred he had thought the boy would be a slob but he had learned rather fast in college that that was in fact not the case. Alfred was actually pretty meticulous about how things were in his house. Alfred didn't look too scarred from everything that had happened but he now knew better than to take Alfred's emotions at face value. It was obvious the man needed closure as well, the problem was how to give it to him. For himself it had been as simple as facing the demons in Francis's house and finally moving most of his stuff out. Talking had seemed to help a little but Alfred needed something more.

"Have you talked to Ivan since?" He watched as Alfred's movements paused for a fraction of a second then he continued to stack books.

"No. I saw him at the funeral but he stuck with Yao most of the time."

"Hmmm… Where there any indicators that he was going to do that? I mean you guys had been together since college." Alfred turned around and looked almost pensive as he starred right through Arthur. Slowly baby blue eyes looked into his own green ones.

"I hadn't really thought about it, everything happened so fast. But now that I do I guess there were little things that changed. He stopped the small touches here and there, stopped cuddling, actually we more or less didn't touch each other truly intimately for weeks before it happened. I mean we still had sex just not so…" At least he had the decency to blush.

"Have you thought about talking to him again? You know… get a little closure?" Alfred sighed heavily before turning away and placing the last book on the shelf. His shoulder blades strained against his shirt as his arms braced against the shelf in front of him.

"I can't… not yet." Alfred said softly before turning around, his hands clutching at the left over fabric at the end of his shirt. "I can't trust myself in that sort of situation." Alfred admitted before walking over to the couch without a word and plopping down heavily. Arthur felt a sigh escape his lips as he walked over and laid a hand on one shoulder ignoring the slight flinch. Putting the other hand on his other shoulder he began to knead slowly against the tense muscles.

"Someday you will have to talk to him again."

"I know that. It's just I don't want to forgive him just yet." Alfred slowly began to relax into his touch. "You're really good at this." Alfred hummed.

"Thank you." Arthur mumbled as his fingers skillfully worked out another knot. "I really am sorry you have to put up with me."

"As much as you might not want to hear this Arthur I'm really glad you're here. I'd rather you be here with me than either of us be alone." Arthur felt his heart clench as his arms threw themselves around the American's shoulders. Cheeks burning Arthur buried his head against the other mans back shoulder.

"Thank you Alfred. Really. You've been far too good to me." Arthur felt the rumble of Alfred's laugh underneath his face, the only sign that he had heard Arthur's mumbled words.

"Believe it or not I've needed you as much as you have needed me these past few days." Pulling back Arthur walked around the coach and sat down next to Alfred.

"That's not true." Arthur mumbled looking away slightly before suddenly a firm hand grabbed his chin and turned him back.

"Without you here I would have gone crazy thinking about everything that happened." Alfred's eyes flashed dangerously before suddenly Arthur felt himself pushed back flat against the couch.

"Alfred what are you…!" A hand clamped over his mouth.

"Shhh…" Alfred hissed and stiffened as the lock on the door jiggled. Arthur flushed as he felt the weight of Alfred's body conforming more heavily against his own as Alfred ducked his head down into his shoulder. Alfred's breath against his neck made him shiver and not in an unpleasant way. This was most definitely not the position to be in if on the verge of suffering from involuntary bodily reactions.

"Alfred?" Ivan's voice echoed throughout the apartment and Arthur felt Alfred tremble against him. Slowly Arthur raised his hand and laced it through Alfred's locks, petting his head slowly.

"I know you are here. You would not leave so many lights on da?" Ivan's heavy footsteps got closer but suddenly changed directions and headed towards the bedroom.

"If you don't mind I'd like my scarf back."

Arthur's eye brow rose and he found himself looking down at a wide eyed American.

"Shit." Alfred mouthed.

"Alfred~" Ivan's voice sing songed and suddenly Arthur watched as Alfred was jerked off of him and tossed on to the floor. A strike of something strange ran through him as he saw Alfred hit the ground and suddenly he found himself lunging at the Russian currently laughing at the crumpled up American. His hands found purchase in a clump of coat fabric and despite his small stature Arthur jerked the surprised Russian towards him and downwards so that they were eye level.

"You listen here you won't lay one bloody finger on Alfred ever again you wanker. You have put him through enough shit and I don't care if you never see your fucking scarf again so just get lost. Maybe if you behave nicely I'll ship it to you but if I ever see your face around here again I can guarantee that you will long for the days when all you had to deal with were cigarette burns inflicted by your bloody abusive father. And I'll be taking back you're fucking key you ass hat." Arthur felt everything tumble out of his lips in a low growl even as Ivan's face twisted into a smile and he giggled as if what he had said was some sort of joke.

"Niet. I shall get my scarf now." An actual growl formed in the back of his throat but was quickly cut off by a large hand wrapping around his throat. "I will stay away from you're Alfred, it is not him I want. But I will have my scarf." With that Arthur was tossed like a ragdoll next to Alfred, his wrist twisting in an unnatural angle. Intense pain shot through his wrist and a shout left his mouth. Suddenly strong arms wrapped protectively around him as he whimpered in pain.

Alfred glared up at Ivan with as much hate as he could muster. Hurting him was one thing but hurting Arthur was another. After everything that had happened he felt rather protective of the bushy browed male.

"Get your scarf and leave." Alfred hissed, cradling Arthurs hurt wrist gingerly in his hand as he continued to glare. Ivan simply giggled.

"Oh sunflower I would do just that if I knew where it was." At the term of endearment Alfred growled and was surprised to look down find Arthur doing the same. Arthur's eyes were flashing dangerously as he looked up at Ivan with a face that could kill. Alfred carefully set down Arthur's hurt wrist in his lap and placed his arms carefully around Arthur's waist pulling his back flush against his chest.

"In the box in the bottom of the closet with all your other shit. Take you're stupid sunflower painting from the hall as well." Alfred hissed before turning away and nuzzling his head into Arthur's neck as the man in his arms bit back.

"Shhh… It's alright. We should probably get your wrist checked out though." Alfred took a deep breath ignoring the pain in his ribs as his thumb slowly rubbed circles on the others abdomen.

"I'll be fine. Just a sprain I'm sure."

"At least let me wrap it up or something." Alfred smiled when he felt Arthur hum in agreement.

"Are you okay? He threw you pretty hard." Arthur looked up at him worry evident in his eyes.

"Just a bruised rib I'll be fine." His body seemed to be against him though as he took in a breath and a sharp pain caused him to let out a hiss. In an instant Arthur was out of his arms and turned around looking at him with a perceptive eye as he lifted his shirt and looked at his ribcage. Alfred bit back a sob as Arthur used his good hand to feel his ribs.

"Alfred we need to get you to the hospital. You might have a broken rib." Alfred nodded but felt a wet cough bubble up in his throat. Pain. That was all he felt as he began to hack. To both of their dismay blood splattered on the ground from the force of the cough.

"Alfred! Oh my god. Come on, we need to leave now." Alfred nodded and forced himself to stand up, Arthur doing his best to help him with his good arm.

"If you take anything other than what is yours I swear I'll chop off your head. Lock up after you're done and leave the key under the doormat." Alfred might have laughed at Arthur's words if he wasn't in so much pain, it had escalated from a five to an eleven in no time at all. The drive seemed to take forever and when they got there he was whisked away quickly. The last sight he saw was Arthur arguing with the front desk lady over something.

"What do you bloody mean I can't go back there?!"

"I mean you're not family and their practicing emergency procedures any ways so even if you were you wouldn't be allowed in. Now will you please have a seat in the waiting area sir? A doctor will be out with information as soon as possible."

Arthur let out an angry sigh before stomping over to a chair and sitting down. That didn't last long though before he began pacing in the waiting room. A small hand rested on his shoulder and he turned around to find a smiling nurse standing in front of him.

"Are you Arthur Kirkland?" A flash of hope went through him, maybe they had information for him.

"Yes!" The nurse giggled before smiling widely.

"Mr. Jones said something about an Arthur and a wrist."

"That idiot. Practically dying and he thinks about my stupid sprained wrist."

"He isn't dying or at least he shouldn't be, the surgery has an eighty five percent survival rate."

"Surgery?" He hated the way it sounded like a squeak.

"Don't worry. Two of his ribs are broken, one punctured his lung, he also has a few bruised ribs but after the surgery he should be fine. Just some recovery time." Arthur felt his head grow a little light.

"You're sure he will be fine?" The nurse patted his shoulder before steering him towards the doors Alfred had gone through a little while ago.

"Yes, now let's check out that wrist huh?"

Alfred took in a shallow breath as his eyes fluttered open to too bright lights. A soft snore to his left alerted him to the presence of another in his room, looking over he saw Arthur sitting in the chair next to his bed, his forehead resting on the mattress and an arm draped out barely touching Alfred's hand. It hurt to move but Alfred managed to grasp the Brit's hand and squeeze softly.

"Alfred?" Arthur mumbled as he slowly sat up blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He looked quite cute actually. His eyes opened wide and a smile lit up his face. "You're awake!"

"Don't look so surprised." Alfred's voice sounded scratchy and weak and soon he found a cup of water being pressed to his lips. After drinking it all Arthur set the cup down and smiled.

"I'm glad you're okay. How do your lungs feel?" Alfred took a breath and frowned at the discomfort.

"Not too bad, nothing a hero can't manage."

"I should probably call the nurse now that you're awake." Alfred nodded but blushed when lips brushed against his forehead.

"I'll be right back." Alfred felt his hand get squeezed once before Arthur reluctantly left the room. Alfred felt like his heart was in his throat and he couldn't help but feeling that something somewhere in the last twenty four hours had changed between them. Yes, Alfred decided as the nurse and a still relieved looking Arthur walked back into the room, something had definitely changed.

**They wind up in the hospital far too often.**

**So things have shifted, probably too quickly but oh well.**

**I've been trying to write a RusAme fict but it hasn't been going all too well…**

**Speaking of Ivan I absolutely love Arthur's rant at him. Ivan really is a jerk in this chapter.**

**(I won't pretend to be a doctor this is all fictional and completely made up so yeah, probably doesn't make any sense.) **


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: You guys deserve a buffet full of cakes and ice cream and pie. I am so sorry. School has kind of taken over my life. **

**(Amanda the Receptionist is just an OC. She's a sweet heart who adores Arthur's now very obvious affections towards Alfred.)**

**Warnings: Kind of angsty (I think that's the word for it) for a bit because Alfred's a big baby with body image issues **

**But hey, without further adieu here is the next chapter!**

Arthur felt agitation rising with in him and had to take a calming breath. The cops had already questioned them once and were finally leaving after a second round of the same stupid questions, most likely seeing if any of their responses changed. Obviously it was a slow week at the department or else they would be too busy to even care about a measly case like this. Walking back into the room he felt his heart melt a little at the sight of Alfred sitting up in bed, arms crossed and his cheeks puffed out childishly.

"They are really starting to get on my nerves. How many times can I say that I fell before they actually believe it?" Alfred grumbled.

"I think that should be the last time they stop by. The good thing is that the doctors say you'll be released in a couple days."

"Ugh, that's just more nasty hospital food I have to eat!" Alfred whined, as if on cue his stomach rumbled loudly. Arthur couldn't stop the snicker that escaped him.

"Tell you what I'll go get you some McDonalds and some clothes. They said you could wear your own clothes now, I just need to go get you some." His eyes glittered with joy.

"Really Artie! You'd do that for me! Oh thank you thank you thank you!" Arthur full out laughed at the sight of Alfred bouncing up and down in delight.

"Okay okay calm down. Just because you are chalked full of pain medication doesn't mean that you're not able to hurt yourself further. Just sit back and stop bloody moving. I'll be back shortly."

After picking up a few things for Alfred Arthur began his drive to his next stop. A small quaint looking stand on the side of the road grabbed his attention when he was half way there and he found himself pulling over. There had to be about fifty different types of flowers shoved into that one little space. The girl running it smiled cordially as he looked at all the options feeling slightly over whelmed.

"What's the occasion?"

"My… friend… is in the hospital." Arthur coughed a bit and looked away blushing. This was ridiculous. Why on earth was he doing this anyways? It wasn't like he liked the stupid American. The girl gave him a knowing look.

"How about one of these over here?" She pointed to a section of premade bouquets. Tears threatened to fall when he saw a bouquet of beautiful red roses but he pushed the feeling back easily, similarly he felt like he was going to vomit when he saw a bouquet of sunflowers. Then his eyes landed on a bouquet of light pink flowers. The bouquet was small and the flowers were actually quite stunning. The girl noticed his look and grabbed them before reaching under the counter and pulling out a simple vase. She put them both in separate bags and smiled cheerfully.

"That'll be fifteen dollars." Arthur nodded and handed over the cash before hopping back into the car, his face still heated at the embarrassing thing he had done and was about to do. And then it hit him. He had no idea what all Alfred wanted to eat from McDonalds.

Amanda, the receptionist, smiled as he walked in carrying a duffle bag and two large McDonalds bags.

"Oh hey Arthur, you need any help with all of that?"

"No, it's alright." Arthur smiled politely.

"You really should try and get him to eat better. That diet will kill him one day."

"Trust me, I'm already planning on doing so. For now I'll let him have his fun though."

"Oh Arthur, you're too sweet!" Arthur blushed and walked towards Alfred's room. When he walked in he couldn't help but laugh. Alfred was currently lying completely flat on his bed glaring at the ceiling as if it had just insulted him.

"What did the ceiling ever do to you?" Alfred jumped slightly and looked over smiling.

"I can't get myself back up with all the stuff they have wrapped around me and OH MY GOD ARTIE BRING THAT OVER HERE!" Alfred shouted and his eyes lit up with joy. Arthur scowled and sat the bags just out of his reach.

"Why on earth did you lay down in the first place you idiot? By the way I didn't know what to get you so I just ordered a bunch of food. Speaking of I have more gifts in the car so you will have to glare at the ceiling just a bit longer."

"But Artie~" Alfred's whine made him smirk and laugh.

"My names Arthur and act like that and I just might eat all the food while you lay there watching me." Arthur left to the sound of Alfred yelling.

"YOU WOULDN'T…" Arthur smiled and walked out to the car nodding to Amanda as he went.

"Leaving so soon?"

"No I've just got a few other things to grab." Arthur smiled and went to the car grabbing the bag he had packed for himself, the last two bags of food, and the small bouquet of pink flowers. Walking in a blush spread across his face as Amanda smiled so wide her face almost split in two.

"Arthur, I know you've said you two aren't together but honestly you should be." Arthur's face turned a bright crimson color.

"We both just got out of relationships that ended horribly. Mine with death and his with cheating. I don't think either of us are ready for such things." Amanda's smile turned sad.

"Well at least you two have each other's friendship."

"Yeah." Arthur nodded before walking back into the room to find Alfred impersonating a stiff wiggling snake.

"What are you doing now? Interpretive dance class isn't until Thursday if you're really that interested."Alfred huffed and looked over, all past thoughts of pretending to be a snake seemed to exit his mind though as his eyes landed on the flowers.

"You got me flowers?" Arthur felt his face heat up once again and frowned.

"Well if you don't like them you don't have to take them, I just thought your room could use a little color is all." Arthur said indignantly.

"They're beautiful! This is so awesome! No one's ever gotten me flowers before! Let alone get me this much McDonalds! You're amazing you know that?" Alfred smiled widely and reached out for the flowers grabbing them from his hand. Arthur chuckled as the American buried his head in them and took a deep whiff.

"They smell amazing too." Alfred mumbled into the flowers before looking up at him through his eyelashes and smiling. Arthur felt his heart tug again and smiled.

"Let's get you seated upright so all this food doesn't go to waste." Alfred nodded eagerly and simply watched as Arthur grabbed Alfred under his arm pits and lifted him up into a seated position on the bed. After distributing some of the food into Alfred's reaching area and grabbing his own salad Arthur sat down next to him and smiled. Alfred had a large burger lifted up to his mouth, his lips stretching as wide as possible to take a bite. A small chuckle left his mouth as Alfred began to chew the rather large bite, a mix of mustard and catsup on the side of his mouth. Arthur reached up with a napkin to dab at it when a low moan left the American and Arthur froze. God he had almost forgotten. He hated the way his body began to respond to that sound. Standing quickly and turning he stalked over to his bag.

"Wipe your face off! I'm going to go fill this with water so that you're flowers don't die." Arthur said before stalking out of the room trying to get himself together. _You're a fucking gentleman get yourself together!_

Alfred deflated a bit as the blushing Brit practically ran out of the room. Was his eating habit's really that disgusting? He frowned as his heart began to feel strange. He didn't like that, he didn't like that at all. Suddenly his burger tasted rather disgusting and his hunger dissipated. The world really must be ending. Slowly he sat the burger down and frowned. Why was he such and idiot? He looked down and frowned tears pinpricking his eyes as he surveyed his wrapped up mid section. A small roll formed over the top of it accentuating his chubbiness. All those past feelings came flooding back as he looked at that disgusting roll of pudge. Suddenly he was that chubby fat faced freshman with horrible acne again. Blood tainted his mouth as he bit down on his lip trying not to cry. It did nothing to help and as soon as one rolled down his cheek another quickly followed. Alfred hiccupped and growled in frustration quickly hiding his face from Arthur as he walked in.

"Alfred? Why aren't you eating you're food? I didn't buy all this greasy grossness to go to waste." Alfred shook his head as he felt him step closer. He flinched as a soft but sturdy hand grabbed his chin and turned his head. Arthur looked so worried that he felt more tears prickle his eyes. A thumb brushed them away and his vision was filled with bright green eyes. "What's wrong?"

Alfred shrugged and looked away feeling like a two year old for getting so worked up. Arthur wasn't having any of that as his chin was forcefully pulled right back and he was forced to try and look anywhere but him. "Alfred, look me in the eyes." Alfred winced as his chin was squeezed painfully. "Don't make me break your jaw Alfred." Like that was going to happen. He looked back anyways and felt his eyebrows scrunch when he did. More tears wanted to fall. Arthur thought he was disgusting, and probably fat too. His eyes trailed down the other man's body for as much as he could see and he felt his gut twist. What he wouldn't give to be naturally slim. "Now this time you're going to answer me. What is wrong?"

"Don't you know already? Isn't it obvious?" Alfred's laugh held no humor. Arthurs eyebrows tugged inwards.

"No I don't and no it isn't. Just tell me what has you so worked up so I can fix it."

"That's impossible… unless you have a magical defattenization machine?" That would make so much more sense; no one's that naturally skinny. Judging by the chuckle let out by Arthur he had to guess that meant no. He sunk down and sighed feeling his heart constrict again.

Arthur couldn't help it, Alfred just looked so cute, his head tilted slightly sideways and his voice full of hope. Was this really all about his weight? Doesn't he realize he is perfect? His muscle-y arms perfectly shaped, his broad chest, and his tall frame. He was his polar opposite. Arthur blushed as he slowly put a hand gently on Alfred's shoulder and squeezed.

"Alfred, you're perfect." The small hesitant head shake made his heart constrict and he sighed. "What can I do to make you realize how perfect you are?" Arthur asked and frowned when he responded softly, "Nothing." _Damn it I will make you see! _As gently as possible Arthur climbed up on the bed and sat in Alfred's lap, his legs bent on either side of Alfred's lap.

Arthur smirked at Alfred 's shocked look. Slowly Arthur put a hand on Alfred's cheek and smiled. "You are the most perfect man I have ever met." Ever so slowly his shaky hands rand down the other man's arms stopping just above the elbow and switching to run up the other mans chest, a small padding of fat softening him just enough. Arthur took in a shaky breath and met Alfred's beautiful blue eyes with his own. "I wouldn't change you if I had the chance you big idiot." His cheeks felt like they were on fire as he glanced away and shut his eyes waiting for him to shove him to the ground in rejection.

Instead his eyes shot wide as a strong hand guided his face back to its original position. Alfred's face inched closer and closer and soon he could feel Alfred's breath ghosting against his lips.

"Do you really mean that?" Alfred's lips moved against his own as he whispered.

"Yes." Arthur's breath caught in his throat as Alfred's lips overtook his own. The kiss was hungry and desperate and tear soaked but oh so perfect just like the man before him. He could feel the kiss throughout his whole entire body and could only smile when Alfred finally pulled away.

"I guess that settles it." Alfred stated smiling haughtily all previous tears and worries obviously forgotten.

"Settles what?"

"You're not moving out of my house anytime soon." Alfred's face looked like it might split in two as he pulled Arthur against his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around him. Although he would never admit it out loud again Arthur truly wouldn't have it any other way.

**So… maybe you'll get an update in a week and a half? Hopefully… I'll try guys, I promise.**


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